JOKE BOOK
             Jokes sent in by kids and for kids

What do peinguins use for napkins?

Why did the bunny cross the road??


---Amy

What do you call a cat that is frozen?


What do corn wear to bed ?


---Jill

Why do you go to bed?

--- From Ashley, 9 years old

The owl and the pussycat went to sea,
but the end of our story's quite sad.
The owl pushed the pussycat over the edge
`cos her gameboy was driving him mad.

Tom Pennock, age 8

Q: Why did the teacher exscued the firefly?
A: When you got to go you got to go

---by Dalisa, age 13

Knock,Knock!
Who's there?
howl!
Howl who?
Howl we gwt away from that mean dog over there?

---Kim

What is the one word a dog can say ?


Knock Knock
Who's there?
Boo
Boo Who?
Don't Cry it's only a joke.

--- Katy age 3

WHY DID THE COMPUTER GO TO THE DOCTORS?

From Cortney--age 6



Q:  What do you take before every meal?
A:   A "seat"!!
(by Onisha, age 9)



Q:  Why did the chicken cross the playground?
A:   To get to the other slide.
(by Serene Aria Holder, age 5)



Q:   What happened to the dog that swallowed a firefly?
A:   It barked with de-light!

Q:   Why do birds fly south in the winter?
A:   Because  it's too far to  walk!


Question:
There are 5 cats on a couch.
One jumped off.
How many were left?
Answer:
NONE, they were all copy cats!
(From LEVI)


Q:  What is a baby's motto
A:  If at first you don't succeed cry cry again!



Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Cargo!
Cargo who?
CarGo Beep Beep!


Q:  What must you do before you get board a bus ?
A:  Get on it!
(From Linajen - a huge fan!)


Q: what sound do porcupines make when they kiss?
A: Ouch

Q: what did one fish say to the other?
A: if you keep your mouth closed you will not get caught.

Q: why are fish so smart?
A: because they live in schools.

Q: what is the longest word in the dictionary?
A: the word smiles because there is a mile between each s.

Q:  who earns a living driving their customers away?
A:  a taxi driver.

Q: what do you get when you cross a dog with an elephant?
A: a very nervous postman.

(by Mathew Curbelo)



Q:  What color is a burp?

A:  Burple!!

There were three guys and a dragon . The dragon said, "I am going to eat you.
The first guy said, "No, let's make a deal."
The dragon said ,"O.K. what kind of deal?"
The second guy said, "If we each tell you something that we think you can't do, and you can do all of it, you may eat us."   The dragon agreed to the deal.
So the first guy said, "Go to the barn, eat 16 rooms of hay,". The dragon did it.
The second guy said, "Drink half of the ocean water." The dragon succeeded in doing this, also.
The third guy burped, and said, "Catch it and paint it green."
The three guys lived happily ever after!
(Thanks to Christy)



Q:  What is black and white, white and black, black and white?

A:  A zebra caught in a revolving door!!
(from Nick)



1. What do dogs eat at the movie theatre ?
1. Pup-corn

2. What did the dog yell when it saw the pieces of a fallen tree ?
2. Bark! Bark!

3. What's a dogs favourite dessert ?
3. Pup-cakes



Q: Why did the squirrel cross the road?
A:To show his girlfriend he had guts.

Shirley:     I hope we get our keys out of our locked convertible soon.
Laverne:  Me too.  I've been trying to get the window open with this coat hanger for  the past hour.
Shirley:    Well hurry, it looks like it's going to rain and the top is down.

 A woman went to her psychiatrist and said, "Doctor, I need your help.
 My husband thinks he is a refridgerator."
 "That's not so bad," the doctor said, "it's a harmless complex."
 "Maybe so," said the woman, "but he sleeps with his mouth open and it
keeps me awake."

Q: Why do birds fly south?
A:  Because it's too far to walk

Q: Why did the cook get arrested?
A: Because he beat up an egg.

Q:  Why do fireman wear red suspendors.
A: To keep their pants up.

Q: What did the pig say when the man grabbed him by the tail?
A: That's the end of me...

Q: Why was the man fired from the M&M company?
A: Because he threw away all the M&M's that had W's on them.

I am sad to report that today the writer of the Hokey Pokey died today.  His
funeral was very sad.  The saddest part was putting him in his casket.  They
put his left arm, they put his right arm in, and well, you know the rest...

A frog walked into a bank and went to talk to a loan officer named Patty. The
frog said, 'I would like a loan.'
Patty said, 'Well, sir, we can't give you a loan.'
'Why not?' asked the frog.
'Well,' said Patty, 'You're a frog.'
'I'd like to see the President of the Bank,' said the frog.
So Patty went and got the President. 'What seems to be the problem?' asked
the President.
'This woman says I can't have a loan because I'm a frog.'
'Well, do you have collateral?' asked the President.
The frog pulled a small glass elephant out of his
pocket. 'What is that!?' exclaimed Patty.
The President says, 'It's a knick-knack, Patty.'
Whack!!! 'Give the frog a loan.'

(All of these from Jessica and Cody!  Thanks!)



Q:What has 5 eyes and is lying on the water?
A:Mississippi River

Q:Which states are good for laughing?
A:Idahohoho, Hohohowaii, Ohahahaio, and Oklahohohoma

Q:Where do the pianists go for vacation?
A:Florida Keys

Q:Where do married women go?
A:Mississippi

Q:What do the blanket say to the bed?
A:You are under cover

Q:What do the little people ride?
A:mini van

Q:What is snake's favorite subject?
A:Hiss - tory

(All from Carol, age 11)



Q. Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?
A. Because he had no "body" to go with !!

Once there was an Irish man an Englishman and an Australian  who decided to have a competition.While on top of the hill each man had to chuck his watch in the air, then run down the hill and catch it befor it hit the ground.  So the Irishman chucked his watch in the air, ran down the hill and SPLAT the watch hit the ground. Then the Englishman chucked his watch in the air, ran down the hill and SPLAT the watch hit the ground. Next was the Australian who chucked his watch in the air, ran down the hill, went and had a beer, did the shopping, came back and caught his watch. "How did you do that?" asked the Irishman. "My watch is 1 hour slow !!!!!" replied the Australian.



Riddles:

1. I don't have lungs or a chest but I need air; I am not alive, but I grow; I don't have a mouth and I'm allergic to water. What am I ?

   Answer: Fire

2. I am found in the sea and on land but I do not walk or swim. I travel by foot but I am toeless. I'm never far from home. What am I?

   Answer:  A snail

3. I run but I never walk. I have a mouth but I never talk. I have a bed but I never lie. What am I ?

   Answer:  A river

(Thanks to Stanley Ip, 10 years old)



Q:What does a pickle say when he wants to play cards?
A:Dill me in!

Q:What do you call a nervous celery stalk?
A:An edgy veggie.

DETECTIVE:  "I'm sorry,mam,but I have to bring you in for driving 90 miles an hour."
MAM:           "But sir, that's impossible, I've only been driving for ten minutes at the most."

Janet:   "Excuse me, waiter, is there spaghetti on the menu?"
Waiter:  "No,madam, I wiped it off."

Q:   Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floor?
A    It was just a stage he was going through.

Actress:   Have you ever seen me on T.V.?
Fan:        On and off.
Actress:  How did you like me?
Fan:       Off.
{Six great jokes submitted by Cody Welch-Hamburg,Arkansas}



Cindy: Today we had a spelling bee and Nobody( a person) could spell it.
Mom Dad: Why couldn't nobody (as in nobody at all) spell it?
Cindy: Because Nobody ( the person) Was smart!
Dad Mom: Huh?!
(By CASSANDRA MADRID, AGE 11)


Cowboy:  Say, why did you buy that dachshund?
City Guy:  I heard someone say,"Get a long, little doggy!"

Q:  What's the difference between a cat and a frog?
A:  Well, a cat has nine lives, but a frog croaks every night!

Q:  What's the difference between a baseball player and his tired dog?
A:  The ballplayer wears a complete uniform, but the dog only pants!

(From Janette Cheung, 12)



Q:  What's black and white and red all over?
A:  Penguin with a diaper rash!!


Sara:  Where's a cow's favorite place to go?
Ben:  Where?
Sara:  The moovies, of course!
(Lucy, age 10 - from Arkansas)


Q:   What did the mayonnaise say to the refrigerator door?

A:   Close the door, I'm dressing!!

(From Nikko Nori, age 3)



Q:   What do grown up dogs say to their puppies?
A:    Hush,  puppies!



Amy:Would you remember me in a month?
April:sure
Amy:Would you remember me in a week?
April:sure
Amy:Would you remember me in a day?
April:sure
Amy:Would you remember me in an hour?
April:sure
Amy:Would you remember me in a minute?
April:sure
Amy:Would you remember me in a second?
April:sure
Amy:Knock,Knock
April:Who's there?
Amy:You forgot me already!

(From Sarah Mills)



One  day  3  men  caught  a mermaid.  The mermaid said I will  give you one wish each if you let me go.

The  frist  man said I want to be 40 % smarter. So she made him 40% smarter.

The  second man said I want to be 60 % smarter. So she made him 60% smarter.

The  third  man said I want to be 100 % smarter. She siad to him, "Are you
sure your wnat to be 100 % becuase you might feel a little bit different."
He replied, "I don't care."

So she turned him into a woman!
(from Emily Murray)



Q:   Why was Mr. Cookie so sad
A:   Because he was feeling crummy

Q:   Why did the chicken cross the road
A:   I don't know -  it never made it across the road

Q:   What do you call a cow with no feet
A:   GROUND BEEF



There were 3 little alien dudes in a little green space ship.  All the sudden they crashed on earth.  The first little dude was  purple,the second green and third blue.  The little purple dude walked into an opera house and heard “ mi,mi,mi” “ mi,mi,mi” and got stuck saying “  mi,mi,mi” “ mi,mi,mi”. The little green dude walked into the purple cow and  heard “ fork & knife” “ fork & knife” and got stuck saying “ fork & knife” “fork & knife”.  The little purple dude walked into a candy shop and heard “goody goody gum drops” “ goody goody gum drops” and got stuck saying “ goody
gum drops” “ goody goody gum drops”.
On the way back to the space ship a policeman stopped them and said,  “There has been a murder and, since you are new to this town, I think you did it.  Okay!  Let's get this straight.  Which one of  you did it?”
The little purple dude said “ mi,mi,mi” and the policeman said “With what?”  and the little  green dude said “ fork & knife”.
The policeman said, “ I’m sorry but you’re going to jail."
The little blue dude said, “goody goody gum drops!”
(from Lucy, age 10)


Why do monkeys have big noses?
Because they have big fingers!!
(by Ruth and Nicole Gilbert AZ)


Knock, knock
Who's there
Duey
Duey Who
Duey have to keep telling knock knock jokes.
(From Kallie Kanzig, Slave Lake, Alberta, Canada)


Danny:  Miss would you yell at me for doing something i didn't do?
Teacher: No.
Danny: Good, because Ididn't do my homework!

(from Mouni)



Q:  Why  did  the   baby  write   a  b  on   his  knee?
A:  He  wanted  to  be a  "b  knee"   baby.

Q:  What    are   the  best  days  of  the   week  in Foodland?
A:  Fry-day  &   sundae!

 (by  Jennifer  Walker)



There was a really dumb girl and her friend walking down the street.  The friend said, "Look!  There's a dead bird!"  The really dumb girl looked up and asked. "Where?"
(from  Raya M., age 13)


Q:  What did the cook give his girlfriend for their anniversary?

A:  A fourteen "carrot" onion ring!

(From Soccer Pro)



Q.  What did the leopard say after eating his owner?
A.  Man, that hit the "spot."

Q.  What do you call a sleeping bull?
A.  A bulldozer!

Q.  Why is England the wettest country?
A.  Because the queen has reigned there for years!

Q.  Why do fish live in salt water?
A.  Because pepper makes them sneeze!

Q.  A man rode is horse to town on Friday. The next day he rode back on Friday. How is this possible?
A.  The horse's name was Friday.

Q.  What is black, white, and 'red' all over?
A.  A skunk that got run over!

(Thanks for all these, Emily)


Knock knock!
Who's there?
Cows.
Cows who?
Cows go moo not who!!
(Niël de Vries age 10)